This was a big week for us! We feel we got “direction” on some important things. Here are the details:
Direction about Zambia
At the start of the year we launched this new blog with two big announcements -- specifically I was gearing up for a short-term missions trip to Zambia in March and, after that, Kim and I were going to begin the adoption process again.
In between January 2nd and today I started to sense, somehow, that the Zambia trip wasn't going to work out. No one said anything to make me think that ... and I really kept it to myself. I didn't want to be a nay-sayer and I figured that this “vibe” (or whatever you want to call it) was just me being anxious about travel and time away from Kim and the kids. This week I got the official word. The trip is canceled.
So now, looking back on it, I think that vibe was significant. I was willing to go, and I was willing to stay, and I was willing to put the decision in God's hands. Now that I know that I am not going in the near future, I am content. A little disappointed, sure, but content.
Direction about “Fred”
Recently we wrote about a little boy we called Fred. Fred is up for adoption here in the U.S. Fred also had some significant medical needs. Kim and I wondered if, perhaps, Fred was meant for us. As we think/talk/pray through the idea of adoption again, both Kim and I felt like we needed to take a closer look at Domestic Adoption this time.
Kim did quite a bit of research regarding Fred's condition. As these details began to take shape, we realized more and more what kind of implications this would have on the children in our family now. Ultimately, we came to the hard decision that we were not the right family for Fred. Certainly we feel called to open our home to a child that needs a Mom and Dad, but we are also called to love/care/provide for the children already in our care.
It was hard to say “no” to the idea of adopting Fred. It's also very humbling to accept our own limitations and weaknesses.
Direction regarding “Have to”
In all of this, we have stepped back and reflected a bit on our motivations. Both Kim and I have a bent towards “getting things done” and “making things happen.” Once we get really hooked on an idea, it's hard for us to let it go.
So, it's worth asking, do we feel like we have to adopt again because we're stubborn? Are we trying to earn some special favor with God?
No. No. We want to adopt again because we believe it is something that God has placed on our hearts and also because He has uniquely suited us to do this particular crazy thing (instead of a myriad of other equally insane options.)
We do however, need to resist the urge to get ahead of His timetable; to try to make something happen.
So, for now, we throw ourselves on God's faithfulness and grace. We need to exercise some patience, and be content to take small steps towards what He's called us to. We are content with God's place, and with God's pace. But we are also very wary of allowing our contentment to become complacency. We're looking forward to whatever directions we get next!